March Book List

Content Warning: Talk of Suicide and Mental Health Treatment

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One month medicated! I was diagnosed with a mood disorder on February 5, 2021 and began taking Lamictal for my insane mood swings, swings that were sending me into incredibly jubilant highs and devastating, suicidal lows. Adjusting to this was extremely difficult and it made me fly into rages for the first time in my life, nearly destroying my relationship with my beautiful, wonderful, patient partner Aaron. He truly took care of me this past month during my troubles, and picked up a lot of the slack around the house during the periods of time that I couldn't get out bed. I spent a lot of time reading this month because of this, hoping and praying that I'd shake this and stop worrying my boyfriend.

On March 16, 2021, I self-harmed again for the first time in years, and it spiraled quickly out of control, my head and heart caving in on panic and rage and and desperation. Do you ever feel like the monster rips your heart out and you can feel your ribs and skin shrinking on on that cavity like a vacuum inside your soul and you gasp for air but can't draw breath because instead of you are are the monster you became

I read eighteen books during my mental breakdown, and the books I read truly saved me.

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Content Warning: Rape and Drug Use

The Review

Ellen Hopkins' Crank was the incredible rewriting of her own struggle with her daughter's addiction. I was pleasantly surprised by this book when I opened it, because I definitely was not expecting verse. I know I am late to the party on Hopkins, but as a child I was far more focused on fantasy than on real stories like this. The writing is unbelievable, ebbing and flowing from sane prose to fragmented and frantic verse. Her writing makes your heart beat and slow, beat and slow, mimicking the high of methamphetamine as well as the lowest of lows. Because of one court ordered visit to her deadbeat father, Kristina morphs from a studious bookworm to someone in the depths of her addiction to the drug she has dubbed "monster."

This book makes me feel a lot of things - sadness, anger, pain, and finally a dull sense that this is a reality for millions of people across the world. No one is safe from addiction, and one bad choice can ruin your life. In all , Hopkins makes you think, and feel, and begin to understand the dark nuances of addiction to hard drugs.

Content Warning: Drug Use, Mention of Rape

The Review - There Be Spoilers

Listen, I know. I simply had to pick up the second book in the Crank series, Glass. This book is the account of the events after the initial summer that Kristina loses herself, and boy does she lose herself. A string of strung out boyfriends, a child born of rape, and the introduction to the art of the deal - the drug deal, that is. Finally, she is locked up and that is where the story ends.

Another poignant reminder of the horrors of addiction, with a bigger focus on what it does to Kristina's family more than the internal struggles represented in Crank. I didn't really feel as much as I did with Crank, which I think has to do with Hopkins capturing the numbness that the faraway Kristina is feeling as she descends into her addiction.

The part that really struck me was the apathy Kristina feels toward her son, how she left him to get into things while she was coming down off a meth high, how she took care of Trey's nieces to make him happy but can't be bothered to visit her son.

The Review

There's really not much to say about Davenport House by Marie Silk. It's about a rich girl in the 1910s who loses her father and the mysterious circumstances around that death. I read it in less than two hours, due to the simplistic sentence structure and basic, predictable storyline. It's simply a ho-hum attempt at a mystery book and I have no desire to give the author another try.

The Review - There Be Spoilers, I Have A Lot of Feelings

*sigh* Another one that trapped me into reading the sequel because of unfinished business. This one is about one Cinderella-like governess named Charlotte, who is plain yet elegant (a distinction made a little more frequently in the book than I liked, and honestly Charlotte seemed like a self insert as she resembles Emily Larkin almost identically, which is my p e t p e e v e). Charlotte's family has a secret: all the girls are fated to receive a magic power from a faerie called Baletongue, with a price. Desperate to leave her situation, Charlotte realizes a man can be independent in ways a woman cannot, and she chooses the power to shapeshift. Which is pretty cool as heck.

To be fair, I really did like this book, aside from Charlotte tricking Marcus into boinking her with her gender bending shapeshifting. There's also a missed opportunity for some steamy queer romance and non-binary representation, and I'm honestly surprised that Larkin didn't chase this as an opportunity since she has a M/M historical romance later in the Baleful Godmother series. There's also the incest part. I could have definitely done without that; it would have been preferable if it was the late Lady Cosgrove's guardian rather than her brother.

On the pleasant side - engaging story with a realistic character, really interesting elements of magic and historical romance and truly unique. I was actually surprised when I read through the book and boom, the Fae.

I have to read the next, of course, because in the final pages of this book we are introduced to Miss Merryweather, the genial cousin of our shapeshifting Charlotte, who seems an absolute dear and I want to learn more about her!

The Review - Spoilers are for Miss Appleby

Okay, this one was a novella and I am so blessedly sad about it. Anne Merryweather is a small, bright chatterbox and cousin to our former Baleful Godmother heroine Charlotte, Lady Chatteris. Sir Barnaby Ware is the former best friend of Lord Chatteris, until his ill-fated affair with Marcus' wife. Tortured Sir Barnaby has resigned himself to a life without love, but Merry has other plans for him.

I really liked Merry, and I felt so badly for Sir Barnaby in Appleby. This book was a quick read, engaging, and well written. Merry and Barnaby are passionate in their short love affair and the exciting climax which finally brings them together is entertaining and thrilling. It's a short book, and a simple one, but it gives me hope for the rest of the Baleful Godmother series, which I will be eating up. Definitely a candy book.

Content Warning: Child Abuse

The Review

There's books that make you quiet after you close the final pages, for minutes that seem like hours, as you comprehend what the hell you just read. But like, in a good way. If You Tell is definitely such a book - the story of three sisters who survived a horrific childhood with their mother, Shelly Knotek, a vicious murderess and abuser. Her daughters approached Olsen with the request to immortalize their story, as Knotek was up for a parole hearing and her daughters did not want her to ever see the light of day.

I will not describe the abuses in this book, but I will warn that they are horrific. This is not a lighthearted book. My mouth fell open, my brow furrowed, and my heart panged for the whole book as horror after horror is revealed. Olsen has a way of spinning real life to look like a novel, and this one is no different. I can't say I enjoyed, but I appreciated the talent and respected the girls for their struggle.

Content Warning: Rape, human trafficking, drug use

The Review - Disclaimer, ACAB unless it's lady detectives in movies and books

Here's another one that I can't say I adored, because that would make me a little messed up because this crime thriller is absolutely depraved and vile.

I really liked it.

Amelia Storm is an Army sniper turned fed, in the heart of crime itself: Chicago. This book has a thousand perspectives from the criminals, law enforcement, victims, and witnesses. It's incredibly violent and disturbing, because this one specifically deals with the human trafficking of preteen sex workers being kept by the Mob. Amelia navigates this dark world with courage and tenacity, setting up for what will be a truly excellent series. We've got several kick-butt lady detectives, a truly despicable villain, and a fast paced, engaging story. Five stars, easily. I can't wait to see more of Amelia Storm.

The Review - Spoilers are From The Mask of Duplicity

Goddess save me from writers who think that they're writing a history book, but with sex. I got the answer I wanted from the first book early on, but why on Earth I let myself finish this after I sated my curiosity is beyond me. Beth and Sir Anthony, the repulsive fop, are finally married. However, he is not who he seems to be and Beth is determined to find out what he is hiding. One thing is certain, however. Anthony is sympathetic to Beth's Jacobite leanings, and together they make steps toward a revolution.

Except NOT.

There's barely any action until the end, mostly just Anthony being cruel, Beth's beauty being constantly praised at socially unacceptable times, and Beth's petulant attitude in general. I felt relief when I finished this, because I never have to read it again.

The Review

Oh praise whoever is listening that I finally finished this borderline fantasy epic. There's five more books to go. I may be forty when I finish - I began this book in October. It's an exciting tale of witches, absolute control, forbidden magic, a powerful orphan, and an old witch's life changing secret. Fiery Isabeau is relatable in her youthful arrogance and impatience, resourceful and loyal.

I wish this book was not from so many perspectives. I enjoy books from multiple points of view, but this was just too many. I have attention deficit issues and it was too easy for me to complete zone out and let my eyes merely flicker on the page rather than read the content. I'm hoping to have better luck with the sequels, as this first book is very much mostly exposition.

Content Warning: Rape, Grooming, Child Abuse

The Review

I guess this is the month where I can't admit I like a book in front of anyone because the book is a depraved work of art. Lolita is the polarizing story of an absolutely deranged professor who is still mentally in love with his childhood sweetheart, which prompts his obsession with the twelve year old Dolores Haze. The book chronicles his descent into madness as he drags Lo down with him into chaos and agony.

It's a truly fucked up book. It's the kind of book that makes you hate yourself for liking it, one that makes you catch your breath with the eloquence of Humbert Humbert's tenderness, and then recoil in disgust when you remember that he is referencing a twelve year old child and not a wispy nymphet. The novel was written to make fun of pedophiles and explore their lines of thinking. Annabel, Humbert's ill-forsaken child love, is named for Poe's poem Annabel Lee, a poem that is about his underage cousin and wife. From the beginning Humbert is painted as a monster who only sees what he wants without regard, a life ruiner and rapist who blames Lo for seducing him, for making him that way, when he has destroyed a child.

In all, this disturbing book is not one I'll likely pick up again, but it reminded me so much of my teen years that I watched both versions of the movie immediately after finishing this book, just to understand it before I file it away. After all, I was a nymphet, too.

Content Warning: Drug Use

The Review

I wanted to take a little time this year to read some true stories from recovering addicts. I've got a few memoirs on my shelf, and was compelled to read this one first because Kayla Small is my age. This strong woman beat her addiction and is finally stable and happy. This is her story.

I don't want to speak too much on the specifics of this memoir or offer a critique on someone's personal story, but it was pretty well written for a new, independent writer and a raw chronicle of her journey, poetic in parts and blunt in others. I urge people to pick up more stories like this so they can understand that people like Kayla are More Than A Junkie.

The Review

This book by Julia Quinn, the second of the Rokesby quartet, is a mixed bag for me. It follows Edward Rokesby, the assumed-lost second brother of the Rokesby family, neighbors and friends to the generation of Bridgertons before the chronicle of Violet and Edmund's brood of alphabetized children. Cecelia Harcourt, the sister of Edward's best friend in the colonies at the end of the Revolution, has come to the colonies to find her missing brother. Upon discovering her brother is missing and his best friend is alive and recuperating in a hospital, she pretends to be his wife to get close to him and ask him questions, taking advantage of his amnesia.

Despite the deception, Cecilia was likeable, as was the honorable Edmund. I found myself massively frustrated with Cecilia for keeping her identity a secret until the last possible moment - Edmund still would have married her and she could have avoided all of the conflict in the future. Ultimately, I am enjoying Rokesby more than the Bridgerton, thus far. The men are much less abrasive and controlling, and the romance seems to move much slower and really simmers into some explosive energy near the end. I liked this book, but not as much as Because of Miss Bridgerton.

The Review

Oh, this one. My new favorite of the Rokesby quartet. Andrew Rokesby was my favorite character in Because of Miss Bridgerton, and I'm overjoyed to get him as a lead on this one - which is extremely entertaining as it combines my favorite combination of resourceful women and pirate ships. (see: Trickster's Choice by Tamora Pierce for my favorite example of this) Poppy Bridgerton is a cousin to the Bridgertons with whom the Rokesbys are acquainted, so the former Navy officer turned brigadier is surprised to learn that the woman who has stumbled across his cave full of treasures (booze) is a cousin to his childhood best friend, Billie Bridgerton. He takes her to his planned destination, Portugal, and on the way Poppy and Andrew's witty repartee charmed me and made me cackle with laughter. Julia Quinn's way of spinning words is a joy as always, and I will definitely miss the Rokesby family after First Comes Scandal.

The Review

It wasn't a bad book, but I can't decide if I like it or not. I should - poor Georgie has had a really tough time of it by no fault of her own, which is a sad truth of the times. She was kidnapped by a deranged man and because she was alone with him, her reputation is in tatters. Enter Nicholas Rokesby, longtime friend of the family. Could he be what saves her from her terrible scandal?

Georgiana is kick-butt in parts, and for sure a strong and intelligent woman. I just feel like there could have been more of it. I think what stops me from truly loving this is that the strong things Georgie does are cut off decently short or overshadowed by a man saving the day (perhaps I'm being unfair, Georgie does really take charge... The more I write this review I realized that Georgie is actually strong and I have NO clue why this one didn't resonate with me. Maybe because deep down I like the oversexed asshole heroes as opposed to a studious virgin).

The Review

I really wanted to like this one. Really and darn tootin' truly wanted to like this one. It promised me witchiness, and murder, and a tortured lady detective with a past...but fell flat on both excitement and the witchiness was absolutely forced. The idea of a town that is predominantly spiritual and quirky is one thing, but Whispering Pines is not developed well enough to be among the ranks of truly whimsical fictional towns (I'm currently reading The Secret, Scone, and Book Society by Ellery Adams and that is a shining example of a mysterious and quirky town).

It follows Detective Jayne O'Shea, a detective who is the granddaughter of the enigmatic and beloved founder of the town, which is a Mecca for Wiccans, apparently. The problematic nature of Wicca aside (no disrespect to anyone who practices Wicca, but the origins of it are recent and very exploitative, I myself am pagan), it seemed extremely forced and did absolutely nothing for the plot. The twists didn't really go anywhere and I found it boring. I cannot believe there are twelve of these.

The Review

Back to Julia Quinn. Naturally. The Smythe-Smith musicale is the most dreaded tradition of the ton, with seemingly endless Smythe-Smith cousins taking turns forming the infamous quartet of tone deaf debutantes. The only escape is marriage, and Honoria Smythe-Smith desperately hopes to get out of this tradition (which she somehow always seems to coax the others into participating with more enthusiasm, bless her). Her brother, Daniel Smythe-Smith, has fled the country following a duel with a friend that ended in disaster. He has left his childhood best friend Marcus Holroyd, Earl of Chatteris as guardian to his sister, and they are most certainly not in love.

I liked this story. It amused me how delicately they treated sprained ankles, when I've been walking on broken toes since I was a wee lass. I loved Marcus and Honoria together, how he protects her and loves her - however, he cannot get away with his problematic possessiveness, which is a common quality in romance heroes (of course, why do we do this, cishet women? Why?!) In all, a good read and I am so excited to get more of this completely silly family.

Ehh. Forgettable. A little disappointed in this one. The plot is simple. Boy gets drunk and does dumb thing. Boy flees country. Boy gets forgiveness for thing. Boy comes home and sees his family's new governess. Falls for new governess and coerces her into becoming his lover, but it's okay because he's devastatingly handsome. Honestly, it was ho-hum.

Anne Wynter is (of course) a tortured governess with a secret. She is ethereally beautiful and has had trouble with men attempting to help themselves to her for her entire life. When Daniel comes along, he does the exact same thing and this time she falls for it. Because he's cute. I didna like it.

So, I'm a little embarrassed to say this. I hated Sarah from the absolute beginning. Hated her. And then I realized the reason I hated her was because she's exactly like me - dramatic, somewhat selfish, and emotional. But she is also like me in that she is spirited and romantic, and she means well. I'd like to think. This book quickly became the shining star of the Smythe-Smith quartet, a highly emotional romance between Sarah and Hugh Prentice, the friend her cousin Daniel crippled in a duel. She blames Hugh for the duel, and for Hugh's father's murderous campaign against Daniel, treating him derisively and petulantly. Eventually, something changes and Sarah and Hugh begin to feel a fire that is not anger, but passion. By the end, I was sobbing out loud at the desperation and passion between the two, the wanton romance. By far this is my favorite Quinn book so far.